External tormenter (3)
Recently I am obsessed the thoughts that external tormenters in delusional episodes have been exploiting the much vulgar and harmful electric wave as if I conducted it for either intimidation or spying of people’s business; it is preposterous thoughts because there mustn’t be such jerk people. But as I’ve been spending extra-ordinarily harsh and wasting this several years physically, mentally, and financially. I need some explanations on outer world and in my mind. That’s the only way of convincing and justify myself. And if I couldn’t find Jesus, I would curse our world. Because with all my delusional episodes, I have never been spying anything and hurt, never taken a peep, eavesdrop anyone, I rather tried to avoid these situations, what was the suspicious of me was only numerous count of traveling and long staying of England. These were for an avoiding my situations. But it turned worsen to me when I went back Japan. In my paranoiac episodes of my paranoia, nowadays I’m conceiving that the external tormenter is an exceptionally mean and jerk, that often makes me turn to shit. So I’m always speaking “Please go way, leave me in peace” (often swearing) and I went nuts.